The Banking sector worldwide is definitely oversized, but for some inexplicable reason firing first useless and harmful employees and start a selection based on value added to the employer does not seem to be a viable option. So let’s try to find some creative ways to reduce personnel avoiding trivial solutions like mass murder.
Evergreen: greed and betrayal. Obvious as this may seem, luring bankers with a fake letter offering money to betray their employer while infringing laws is always the best way to drag at least half of the workforce into the magic I-can-blackmail-you zone. Most reliable historical series suggest 29-31 bucks as an appropriate amount for the proposed price of betrayal.
A tempting alternative: the poisoned recipe. For those who may fear their employer beyond the point that you can buy for a reasonable amount (the likelihood of individuals affected by loyalty or honesty is negligible according to all existing empirical evidence), there is a slightly different version of the previous method: just spread the rumour that a lot of those I-want-to-believe wealthy clients are quite attracted to a brand new version of some classical fail proofed good old con-your-clients trick; wait a little bit while the brightest and smartest take the opportunity and simply notify both the police and the clients. You may even get the unintended reputational benefit of being the good company that finds and punishes its bad men.
Don’t forget the taxman. Bankers hate taxes even more than common people, so a further version could be a fake smart-way-to-avoid-taxes. Those who resisted betraying and/or conning clients won’t resist this opportunity.
Last but not least: the YouTube virus. Since the main activity of bankers is watching YouTube videos the final solution is a neurotoxin web virus embedded in company firewalls. The only warning is that given this option is quite effective you should first put all those employees you want to save from video holocaust all those employee you want save from video holocaust in a good, safe company.
PS If you are thinking of copying this text and using it by replacing bankers with your favourite enemies (I have heard of some version of this for journalists, programmers management consultants and so on) please remember that someone somewhere may be planning to get rid of you using this method too .
GLG – Gerson Lehrman Group – Council Member
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